How to Use Motivational Interviewing to Coach Yourself
Reviewed By Danielle Glesne, RDN, LD, CDCESMost people think motivation is something they either have or don't have. But what if you could use a proven coaching technique to help yourself uncover your own reasons for changing—and become better at following through?
Motivational interviewing (MI) is a collaborative counseling approach originally developed to help people resolve ambivalence about behavior change. Instead of telling someone what they should do, MI helps them explore their own motivations, values, concerns, and reasons for change.
You can use the same principles on yourself.
Whether you're trying to lose weight, eat healthier, exercise consistently, sleep better, or simply take better care of yourself, motivational interviewing can help you move from "I know I should" to "I actually want to."
What Is Motivational Interviewing?
At its core, motivational interviewing is about helping someone discover their own motivation for change.
That distinction matters.
You can tell yourself:
"I need to stop eating so much junk food."
But that statement creates a sense of obligation.
Instead, MI encourages you to ask:
"What would be better about my life if I ate healthier?"
Now you're exploring your own reasons.
Maybe you'd have more energy.
Maybe you'd feel better in your clothes.
Maybe you'd be a better role model for your children.
Maybe you'd reduce your risk of chronic disease.
Maybe you'd simply feel more in control of your choices.
The goal isn't to bully yourself into changing.
The goal is to help yourself want to change.
Start by Exploring Ambivalence
One of the most important concepts in motivational interviewing is ambivalence.
You can simultaneously want to change and not want to change.
For example:
"I want to lose weight, but I love going out to eat."
"I want to exercise, but I'm exhausted after work."
"I want to sleep more, but I like staying up late."
"I want to eat healthier, but I don't want to give up my favorite foods."
This isn't a character flaw.
It's normal.
Instead of pretending the conflicting feelings don't exist, acknowledge them.
Ask yourself:
"What do I like about my current behavior?"
Then ask:
"What don't I like about it?"
That conversation can reveal what is actually keeping you stuck.
Use Open-Ended Questions
MI relies heavily on open-ended questions rather than yes-or-no questions.
When coaching yourself, avoid questions that shut down the conversation.
Instead of:
"Do I need to eat healthier?"
Ask:
"What would eating healthier allow me to do?"
Instead of:
"Should I exercise today?"
Ask:
"How would I feel after I finished my workout?"
Instead of:
"Do I need to get more sleep?"
Ask:
"What would improve in my life if I consistently got another hour of sleep?"
Good questions help you uncover your own reasons for change.
Nutrition: Coach Yourself Toward Better Eating
Imagine you routinely eat poorly during your workday.
You could tell yourself:
"I need to stop eating fast food."
Instead, ask yourself:
"What do I like about eating fast food?"
Maybe it's convenient.
Then:
"What don't I like about it?"
Maybe you feel sluggish afterward, spend too much money, or struggle to control portions.
Then ask:
"What could I do that gives me the convenience without sacrificing as much of my nutrition?"
Now you're solving the actual problem.
Maybe you prepare lunches on Sunday.
Maybe you keep healthier convenience foods at work.
Maybe you identify three restaurants near your office where you can consistently order nutritious meals.
The goal isn't perfection.
It's finding a solution that addresses both sides of the ambivalence.
Use the "Importance" Question
A powerful MI technique is asking yourself to rate something on a scale.
For example:
"On a scale of 1–10, how important is it for me to improve my nutrition?"
Let's say you answer 7.
Don't immediately ask, "Why isn't it a 10?"
Instead ask:
"Why did I choose a 7 instead of a 4?"
That question forces you to articulate your existing motivation.
You might say:
"Because I want more energy, I want to lose 20 pounds, and I want to be healthier for my family."
You've just identified your reasons for change.
Fitness: Focus on What Exercise Gives You
If you struggle to exercise consistently, don't begin with:
"Why am I so lazy?"
That's judgment, not coaching.
Try:
"What do I enjoy about being physically active?"
Maybe you enjoy feeling strong.
Maybe you like playing sports.
Maybe you enjoy being outdoors.
Maybe you feel more confident after exercising.
Then ask:
"What's getting in the way?"
Maybe it's time.
Maybe it's fatigue.
Maybe you don't enjoy your current workout.
Now you have something you can work with.
If you hate running, you don't have to run.
If you don't have an hour for the gym, you don't need an hour.
The question becomes:
"What's a form of movement I enjoy and can realistically do consistently?"
That's a much better coaching question.
Sleep: Explore the Tradeoff
Sleep is another great example of ambivalence.
You know you need more sleep, but you also enjoy watching television, scrolling your phone, working late, or spending quiet time after the kids go to bed.
Instead of saying:
"I need to go to bed earlier."
Ask:
"What do I enjoy about staying up late?"
Then:
"What does staying up late cost me the next day?"
Maybe staying up gives you an hour of uninterrupted personal time—but leaves you exhausted the next morning.
Now ask:
"How could I preserve some of that personal time while still getting more sleep?"
Maybe you shut down your work 30 minutes earlier.
Maybe you watch one episode instead of three.
Maybe you create a 30-minute evening routine that gives you the quiet time you're looking for.
You're not simply removing something you enjoy.
You're looking for a better tradeoff.
Use Your Own Values as Motivation
One of the most powerful aspects of motivational interviewing is connecting behavior change to your deeper values.
Ask yourself:
"What kind of person do I want to be?"
Then:
"How does this behavior move me toward—or away from—that person?"
If being an energetic parent is important to you, that value can become a powerful reason to exercise.
If independence in old age matters to you, strength training takes on a different meaning.
If being present and productive at work matters to you, sleep becomes more than simply "getting enough hours."
Your values give your habits a purpose.
Listen for "Change Talk"
MI practitioners pay attention to something called change talk—statements that express a person's desire, ability, reasons, need, or commitment to change.
You can listen for it in your own internal dialogue.
"I really want to feel better."
"I know I can do this because I've done it before."
"I need to stop letting one bad meal turn into a bad week."
"I think I could start walking after dinner."
Instead of dismissing those thoughts, expand on them.
Ask:
"What makes you say that?"
"What would that look like?"
"What's one small step you could take?"
You're essentially interviewing yourself toward your own solution.
Don't Argue With Yourself
Here's another important principle:
Don't turn your internal conversation into a fight.
If part of you says:
"I don't want to meal prep."
Don't respond:
"Yes, you do. You're just making excuses."
Try:
"I hear you. What's it about meal prepping that you don't like?"
Maybe the problem isn't meal preparation itself.
Maybe you hate spending two hours in the kitchen.
That's useful information.
Now you can explore alternatives:
"What if I only prepared two proteins and two vegetables?"
"What if I used convenient healthy foods?"
"What if I prepared ingredients instead of full meals?"
The goal is curiosity rather than judgment.
End With a Specific Commitment
Motivational interviewing isn't just about thinking.
Eventually, reflection needs to become action.
After exploring your reasons, barriers, and options, ask:
"What's one thing I'm willing to do this week?"
Not ten things.
One.
Maybe:
I'll eat protein at breakfast every day.
I'll walk for 20 minutes after dinner three times this week.
I'll put my phone away 30 minutes before bed.
I'll bring lunch to work twice this week.
I'll strength train twice this week.
Make the commitment specific and realistic.
Then ask:
"On a scale of 1–10, how confident am I that I'll actually do this?"
If you say 5, don't simply tell yourself to try harder.
Ask:
"What would make it a 7?"
That's coaching yourself.
The Goal Isn't to Talk Yourself Into Everything
Motivational interviewing isn't positive thinking.
It's not about convincing yourself that every behavior is easy.
And it's not about finding reasons to justify whatever you already want to do.
It's about honestly exploring the tension between where you are and where you want to be.
Sometimes that conversation will lead you toward change.
Sometimes it will reveal that your goal needs to change.
Either way, you're making a more deliberate decision instead of operating on autopilot.
The Bottom Line
You don't always need someone else to motivate you.
Sometimes you need to ask yourself better questions.
Instead of "Why can't I stick to this?", ask "What matters to me about making this change?"
Instead of "Why am I so undisciplined?", ask "What's getting in the way, and what could I do differently?"
Instead of "How do I force myself to do this?", ask "What would make this behavior easier and more meaningful?"
That is the heart of motivational interviewing.
Don't become your own drill sergeant. Become your own coach.
If you’d like personalized guidance on what this means for you and your family, don’t hesitate to CONTACT US.
We’re here to help.
